Heartbreak Ridge

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When this film came out, aeons ago, a sneering newspaper reviewer called it an the utltimate "OC" movie, "OC" meaning "of course." He was referring to the fact that there isn't a single character or situation in "Heartbreak Ridge" that could be called remotely original -- it's basically a 1980s version of every 1940s, '50s, & '60s war movie you ever saw. His evidence:

1 - crusty yet somehow loveable sergeant
2 - crusty yet somehow loveable sidekick
3 - pencil-pushing jerk senior officer
4 - green platoon leader
5 - woman from past
6 - bumbling soldier who needs to grow up
7 - assorted Cental Casting platoon members
8 - generic training sequences
9 - generic trial by fire
10 - predictable ending

All this is completely true. I just don't care. The stupid reviewer was too busy being smug to understand that the reason this story has been told so many times is because it is a classic, and classics are timeless. Especially under the tender care of Clint "Shoot First, Ask Questions Never" Eastwood.

"Ridge" is the story of Tom Highway (as in "My Way Or The..."), a bullet-scarred, gravelly-voiced Marine sergeant who has fought in three wars, won a bucketfull of medals, and is now facing mandatory retirement. Ol' Gunny Highway ain't takin' it too well, either -- he drinks, fights with the cops, and gets yelled at by his superiors. Banished to a supply billet, all he yearns for is one last chance to lead combat troops, and before you can say "of course," he's packed off to his old unit -- you know, the same one he was kicked out of years before, for insubordination and conduct unbecoming (you know, the usual Eastwood Offences).

Of course, his old unit is run by an unblooded, chin-thrusting martinet named Powers, who is described at one point in the film as being the sort who consults the manual before he mounts his old lady. Powers hates Highway and wants to run him out of the Corps, so he saddles him with a platoon of losers and ungovernable misfits run by a nerdy and clueless lieutenant. Chief among these dolts is the slick-talking Corporal Stitch Jones, played with glib hustla's charm by Mario Van Peebles.

Of course, Highway's embittered yet sexy ex-wife is still in town, and of course, Highway is still in love with her, in his foul-mouthed way. When he's not getting shot down by his ex, Highway guzzles beer and reminisces with his old war buddy, Sgt Major Choozoo, who's even more foul-mouthed than Highway. There's even a foul-mouthed female bartender who sits around pouring beers and dispensing crusty Corps wisdom. Honestly, this movie has the best cursing I've ever heard.

Of course, Highway's tough love approach is a hard swallow for everybody. Powers is after his stripes, his ex-wife's boyfriend (the guy who played Buford Pusser in the latter two entires in the "Walking Tall" movie series) wants to clean his clock, and his Marines wish he would just seize up and die like an old lawnmower. Little do they know that his brutal regimen will one day save their lives! For unbeknownst to all, the villainous Fidel Castro has ordered his military to seize power on the tiny Caribe resort island of Grenada, which houses lots of drunken American medical students. President Reagan ain't takin' this too well, so before you can say "Semper Fi" Highway and company are choppering off to put theory into practice and kick communist butt.

Do Highway's boys perform up to spec? Will Powers get his commupance? Will the sexy ex-wife be waiting when and if Highway returns? Of course, of course, and of course. But who cares? This movie is hilarious and hugely entertaining. Eastwood's over-the-top alpha-male performance is about as subtle as a bullet to the solar plexus, but it's great fun. So is the glaring villainy of Powers, the charming nerdiness of Ring, the slick charm of Jones, and the crusty bulldog loyalty of Choozoo. These cliched characters are like old friends.

"Ridge" has some funny trivia attached to it. Originally, it was written for an army character, but it seems the army wanted to make the movie a commercial for all its latest weaponry, so Eastwood tapped the Corps instead. When the Marine brass saw it, however, they were so appalled by the language they withdrew their endorsement. And these are Marines we're talking about, the guys who may have actually invented 6 of the 7 words you can't say on TV. It just goes to show you that four or five years in the Pentagon can ruin anybody.

More interestingly, the movie's title, "Heartbreak Ridge" is a glaring anachronism -- Heartbreak Ridge was taken by the Army's 4th Infantry Division, not the Marines. Clint was too in love with the title to change it, so he threw in a line about how Highway fought in Korea with the army but "joined the Corps later." Clint never let logic get in the way of his storytelling, and the audience shouldn't either.

Now come on, you devil dogs, let's take this blankety-blank hill!

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